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Learning How to Swim

from Learning How to Swim by Mackin The Destroyer

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about

This song is about having depression as a kid. And the space that creates between you and your loved ones. And not having the tools to overcome it. So it’s both me writing as the younger me and to the younger me. And at the end of the day, this song is for people who are still sensitive. And at your worst you're drowning and at your best you're swimming, but you can’t stay dry. So you learn how to swim~

lyrics

I’m learning how to swim
I hold my breath beneath the surface
Ration my oxygen
My parents watching makes me nervous
I’m terrified
Does it really make a difference if I

Come back up for air?
I’m at the bottom of the pool wondering
What the hell is even up there?
I don’t know

My crown of paper straws
I watch it dissipate in seconds (Oh, God)
Feel my heart pull me down
It’s either cement or solid gold (La la la la la)

Does it really make a difference if I
Shoot you up a flare?
It’ll probably fizzle out in seconds
Will it even make it up there?
I don’t know, I don’t know

Well, I’m drownin’
I’m circlin’ the drain
How the hell did I get down here?
A thousand oceans on my chest
Might as well just disappear
And I hope I do
‘Cause it feels so permanent
Someone tell me I’m just passin’ through

I’m learning how to swim
I forget (and then I remember)
I take all deep breaths ‘cause God
(Knows when I’ll get another)

//

credits

from Learning How to Swim, released November 12, 2021

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Mackin The Destroyer Los Angeles, California

One time I snuck out of summer camp to see The Postal Service 10th Anniversary show at The Greek. I bought a grilled cheese and a beer with a fake ID. I ate, drank, and cried alone. It fucking rocked.

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